"I wish you would step back from the ledge, my friend."

I have stepped back from the ledge. I've learned that I need to accept myself for who I am, and that I shouldn't let something from the past control my life. All of this time, I've been meticulously trying to micromanage everything that goes in and out of my life, and I learned that I can't do that. I can't control everything. I always importune myself to keep everything under my belt, but I can't ask that of myself. I can't.

All of these conflicts in my mind have impeded me in enjoying life and appreciating everything I have. I have amazing friends who do care about me and I have amazing family that understand me, even when my behavior is beyond tolerable. Sometimes I think of myself as a pariah, mostly because I isolate myself when unnecessary. I now ask myself, "Why do I have to pull away from others when they're already there for me?" I don't need to get through this on my own, I have people who will celebrate with me when I'm happy and cry with me when I'm sad.

I can't control who comes in and out of my life, no. It's out of my reach and I'm letting fate do its magic. One day, I will be in a happy place where there nothing will matter except me and the ones I care about. We will go through heartbreaks, tragedies, and hardships, but that's all part of life, and I've realized that now.

"Well everyone I know has got a reason to say put the past away."